Clinic day- Part 1

So I got a bit of a late start because I couldnt drag my ass out of bed. Rushed through breakfast, my friend (let's call her... K)arrived while I was in the shower, and then off we went. As we drove by the clinic looking for parking I saw a small scattering of protesters (mostly male) and clinic escort volunteers in their bright orange vests. When we walked past the first protester who tried to hand us stuff, we ignored them, continuing our generally upbeat conversation. A clinic escort volunteer moved between us and them and told them "they are walking past you, leave them alone." Thanks, orange-vest man!

I was in a surprisingly good mood, and my boobs weren't hurting for the first time in a week. If I were as grumpy or emo as i had been a few days earlier the protesters might have bothered me, but since I was feeling cheerful, they just sort of entertained me with their ridiculousness. Their sandwich boards, the deep sadness in their delusional eyes, their absurd lie-filled propoganda... it was just so quaint, or something. I had actually picked the location because I thought it would not attract protesters. Being in a very ordinary office building, I figured how could they protest? There are so many reasons to go in here. But alas, they decide to just assume anyone anywhere near the area is there to get un-knocked up. And well, that may be true on saturdays, since a lot of other people dont go to offices on saturdays. And once I got inside, the waiting room was packed and everyone was there for an abortion or abortion follow up appointment. Apparently they dont do abortions and other kinds of appointments on the same days, which is why I've never before seen protesters when I've gone in for regular coochie-snorcher checkups. I always wondered about that...

As I walked passed the last protester before going through the door, I stopped, turned to her, smiled and said one of the following irreverent snarky things:

1) "You are one of god's little accidents."

2) "And how many children have you adopted?"

3) "Too bad Mary didn't abort Jesus."

4) "Oh, come on lady! Like you don't vaccum out the ole' sea monkey tank every now and then!"

5) "I hope it's twins!"

6) Opened up my copy of The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins and read several poignant exerpts since clearly this was the time and place to debate religious views.

The clinic escort was overjoyed, and grinning from ear to ear. The protester was clearly deeply disturbed. It was priceless, and although it is possible the right wing now has me on their kidnap and murder list, I'm glad I said something. They were there to fuck with me, and I fucked with them. Right backatchya bitch!